My Mum
Hi
As you probably know, my Mun recently found out she has breast cancer and is in the hospital today for her second surgery. She's probably being operated on as I type this.
I hate illness and I don't like times like this at all. They put a knot in my tummy and fill me with dread and fear. It's hard to think of anything good about times like this cos it is so distressing and difficult to continually remain positive.
I was at chruch on Sunday and the talk was about one of the 10 Commandments - honour your Father and Mother. I found it hard to hold back my tears during the entire talk because I could remember so many times when I did not honour them and I can think of times when I am not an honourable parent. I sat there, thinking about my mum and her battle with cancer and my life with her and felt this urgency to do something. I don't know what it was I wanted to do but I wanted to do something. My chin wobbled and I felt tears on my cheeks.
I can remember times with my mum that have been great but I can also remember times of pain and regret. Sitting there at church just gave me time out to remember those times and to be thankful to her for bringing me into the world and raising me the best way that she could. Neither of us were perfect.
It's all the more of an incentive to be a great Dad. I know I am not a perfect Dad....but I really want to be! The love I have for my 2 boys and the wee one that is due in November is bigger than a mountain range...it's scary.
And that's probably how Mum feels about me.
I'm her wee son (even though I'm a big oaf now).
My Mum and the rest of us have a difficult journey ahead of us and I want you to pray for us that we remain strong and positive even when we see the ugly things in life.
peace,
Johnny
As you probably know, my Mun recently found out she has breast cancer and is in the hospital today for her second surgery. She's probably being operated on as I type this.
I hate illness and I don't like times like this at all. They put a knot in my tummy and fill me with dread and fear. It's hard to think of anything good about times like this cos it is so distressing and difficult to continually remain positive.
I was at chruch on Sunday and the talk was about one of the 10 Commandments - honour your Father and Mother. I found it hard to hold back my tears during the entire talk because I could remember so many times when I did not honour them and I can think of times when I am not an honourable parent. I sat there, thinking about my mum and her battle with cancer and my life with her and felt this urgency to do something. I don't know what it was I wanted to do but I wanted to do something. My chin wobbled and I felt tears on my cheeks.
I can remember times with my mum that have been great but I can also remember times of pain and regret. Sitting there at church just gave me time out to remember those times and to be thankful to her for bringing me into the world and raising me the best way that she could. Neither of us were perfect.
It's all the more of an incentive to be a great Dad. I know I am not a perfect Dad....but I really want to be! The love I have for my 2 boys and the wee one that is due in November is bigger than a mountain range...it's scary.
And that's probably how Mum feels about me.
I'm her wee son (even though I'm a big oaf now).
My Mum and the rest of us have a difficult journey ahead of us and I want you to pray for us that we remain strong and positive even when we see the ugly things in life.
peace,
Johnny
posted by Johnny Parks at 2:08:00 p.m.
1 Comments:
Hey Johnny
I met you several weeks ago when my family and I attended your church while visiting from Thunder Bay, Ontario Canada. I spoke to you about your Mom and how I am a 3 year breast cancer survivor! PRAISE GOD! I really understand how she (and you her family)are feeling. It is a horrible scary thing. I know 100% that God will be with you all in this dark time. I found such strength while depending on Him. At one point, after I had my first surgery (which was a resection) and was told that I would need to have another surgery, a mastectomy because my margins were not clear, I was lying in bed in the early AM (like 5 or 6) That is always the hardest time, when you wake up and everything is quiet and you start to think! You think about all the bad stuff, plan your funeral, kids growing up without you...and it was one morning like this that I started shaking, and then crying, and I just called out to God and said "I cannot do this...help me, hold me, give me peace" and IMMEDIATELY I felt the 'peace that passes all understanding' and I felt HIM lift me and hold me in his hands (like you would an injured sparrow). As HE held me, I was aware that I was looking down on houses, with clouds and stars all around me. I could see lights on in some of the houses and I could see words floating up from them, like peace, protection, hold her...and then I was asleep. When I woke up in the morning, I could still picture this vividly, and in fact to this day, 3 years later I still can. I actually tried to paint it when I took an Art and Spirituality class in our church last winter). When I went to church a few days later, several of my friends came up to me and said they just wanted me to know that every morning when they first wake up, and while they're getting ready for work, they pray for me, and ask for peace, healing etc. I almost started crying. That God allowed me to see that and to feel HIM and HIS peace was so powerful. I have spoken to many people who have gone through situations like cancer, death of a child...and they , without knowing about my story, have communicated the same type of experience, of being held by God. There are so many bible verses that tell us specifically that HE holds us in His hands. I would always remind myself that God is who He says He is, God can do what He says He can do, I am who God says I am, I can do all things through Christ, and I"m believing God (from a Beth Moore study) This is a time to go over the promises of God, and to exercise your faith. Faith is always an exercise of will, not emotions. Sometimes Satan will trap us in to 'feeling' that God isn't with us, that He doesn't care...but when those thoughts start to sneak in I would always practice the stop principle. I would literally say "STOP. I'M believing GOD" and then the Holy Spirit would bring to mind a verse. I know that I don't know you, or have any business telling you any of this, except that God brings people into our lives for a reason. I cannot count how many times this happens. My cousin had a scare with breast cancer that turned out to be nothing, but she basically had a nervous breakdown during that time. Out of the blue, I had to go to Toronto (where she lives) at exactly the time she was going through all of this. She couldn't even drive she was so upset. I was driving her car, to pick her kids up after one of her appointments and she was a wreck. I kept telling her "don't worry, God is in control, even if it is cancer, oh well, He'll get you through it..." That was my theme the entire week I was with her. So, as I was driving her and saying "Don't worry, God is in control" a van pulled in front of us, on a very busy busy road in Toronto. There on the back of the bumper was a bumper sticker. RELAX, GOD IS IN CONTROL. We just looked at each other. I said "June if God cares enough to put that van with that bumper sticker in front of us when there are thousands of cars around us, don't you think He's going to handle things?" I wish I could say that was the end of her worrying, but it wasn't. She ended up in the hospital, not because of cancer, but because of worrying. Phil 4 tells us to think of what is just, honourable, true, pure, lovely...practice these things, and the God of PEACE will be with you. You are probably thinking that you don't want to be in the studio while she is going through all this, but God's timing is perfect. What a better way to spend your days than praising and worshipping HIM. To quote a familiar song 'put on the garment of praise, for the spirit of heaviness...' That and so many other worship songs helped me get through. God is working powerfully through you and your music and the heartache you are going through. MAN THIS IS GETTING LONG!! Sorry! My cancer was aggresive as well, I had 3 lymph nodes involved, I had 6 months of chemo and then 6 weeks of radiation. I lost my hair, I gained 30 pounds, I lost friends (believe it or not) and I gained friends. I was sick, in the worst pain imaginable, but I would not trade any of that for the experiences I gained, the closeness I found to God, the time it gave me to study God's word, the growth I experienced. At one point in the chemo process the side effect is pain, wherever you have a muscle, ligament or bone. The worst pain, that nothing could take away, no medicine, no prayers, and that was probably the first time I said "God , why can't you take this pain from me?" Instantly I saw Jesus, on the cross, and realised that not only did He have the worst physical pain, but the pain of my sin, the world's sin on HIM. From then on, I just thanked God for the pain, for the reminder, the experience of seeing just a glimpse of the sacrifice HE made for me, us, everyone. In every situation there is something to rejoice about. Just think how God is going to use this experience in your Mom's life, in your life, in the life of all those around you. I had people, Doctor's, nurses etc. all tell me they had never seen anyone go through all of that with such Joy, Peace etc. I was able so many times to share the reason with them. One more story and then I'll go. The day that I had to go to the Doctor, and I KNEW that it was going to be bad news, but I was trying to be happy while getting the children (my oldest daughter was 12 and I have twin girls who were 8) off to school. I walked in to the kitchen, and started to cry. I told God that I needed to know that HE would be with me through all of this, that I could be strong, that I didn't want to be scared. I looked up and our daily calander was sitting there. The kids always would rush to be the first to change the page, but they hadn't done it. It was a Prayer of Jabez calander, so most days it had something from the book, not a verse. I ripped off the page and it said TUESDAY OCTOBER 19th. "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9. AMAZING. God is in the details.
I would love it if you would share some of these stories with your mom. I'm 48, so fairly young, and I imagine your mom would be around the same age or so. If she needs to 'talk' to someone, and she's computer savvy, please give her my email (jannioh@hotmail.com)and I would love to 'talk' to her. Same goes for you. I'm sure you have people around you to talk to, but sometimes it's easier to talk to someone who's been there. I would love to be there for you both.
In the meantime, I have been listening to the cd's that I purchased and my husband (who is a drummer) has fallen in love with them. He even spoke to our worship pastor about doing some of them! I'm always amazed how God works. Your worship was such a blessing to me that day. I have told all my cousins about your church and encouraged them all to go (they don't presently have one/or are discouraged with the ones they went to growing up). Whenever I travel and meet other Christians I'm reminded of how heaven is going to be. Oh, I could go on and on....but, I wanted to just encourage you and let you know that we are praying for you and your 'mates' while you go in to the studio. The song that you played that day, that you wrote with Matt Redman was so wonderful, I hope it's going on the new cd. I wish I could remember it...I'll definately be sending for your new one.
In closing (sorry it's so long) may "the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ and the love of God and the fellowhip of the Holy Spirit be with you all." 2 Cor 13:14
God bless
Janice
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